The Mooninites of Haruhi Suzumiya
by musicwarrior
Summary: Ignignokt and Err invade North High School. Haruhi welcomes them by giving them the Computer Club room.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is dedicated to the greatest 12 minutes in the history of television, the Mooninites episode of ATHF.**

**I do not own Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Haruhi Suzumiya.**

_Part 1_

I get the feeling this is going to be a bad day.

Let me explain. This morning, as I make my way up this almost never ending hill to school, feels like a normal day. Whenever it feels like a normal day to me, there's always something waiting to happen. Hunts for unusual people, battling monsters, getting chased by world-destroying monsters, aliens trying to kill me. Ever since I met Haruhi, nothing in my life has ever been normal. However, maybe in some odd, demented way, my version of normal has been warped far beyond the comprehension of any normal person. Aliens, time travelers, espers. My sense of normal is so far out that it belongs on a Science Fiction show.

As normal, I blame Haruhi for this.

Speaking of Haruhi, she seemed different today. Usually, she's either all giddy with excitement over something she thought from the night before or she's scowling at me for something that I supposedly did wrong. But today, she's just sleeping. And not in an angry way like when she was bored the first few months I knew her. She looked emotionless. Almost as if Nagato took over her body.

"Yo."

"Not right now, Kyon," she replied, head on the table.

"What's wrong? Stayed up too late last night trying to watch for aliens?"

"Not funny."

"Well then, why are you so tired?" I'd have an easier time getting details from a tree.

"Some idiot was playing guitar at 3:00 AM. And…they…never…stopped…until…dawn."

A very annoying thing to happen to a rather annoying person. I'd laugh at the irony if it wouldn't result in getting hit by a desk.

"Go ahead and laugh, you idiot," she said in such a delightful and friendly manner. "I think I know who it was."

"You can't honestly believe it was someone from the Music Club," I replied, trying to hold back the laughter.

"Are you kidding? All the Music Club members live so far away that if it was one of them, even you could have heard the music. It had to have been an alien."

Why do I sense an off-the-wall plan coming up?

"And I have just the thing to find them."

"You're not talking about another hunt, are you?" I asked rather sheepishly.

"Oh please," she said, "Like I'd put my feet through one of those on a weekday."

And weekends are so much better, I take it.

"I want to find them now before they leave," she continued. "And I know just what to do."

Before she could say anything else, Okabe came in and Homeroom started.

* * *

Room for rent?!

"What do you think?" Haruhi said with a big smile.

I was at a loss for words. Not necessarily surprising if this is the first time Haruhi did something ridiculous. But after numerous events that involve lots of walking, something as simple as this could easily throw me off.

Damn you, Haruhi.

"So what does this mean? Are we renting off the Brigade room?"

"Don't be silly," she said with a wink. She then directed me next door and said, "We're renting off the Computer Club room."

"You're joking, right?" Of course she's not. Why do I always ask that question? I guess I'm hoping for it to be true one of these days.

Clearly getting annoyed by that last question, she said "We have beaten the crap out of them over and over. We own them. Room included."

And with that, the argument was over, no matter how insane the winner really was.

* * *

The rest of the day and all the way through school the next were rather normal, figuratively speaking. Miss Asahina played maid, Haruhi played on the computer, Koizumi and I played chess, and Nagato read her books.

Nothing really got out of the ordinary – or should I say back to the ordinary – until after school the next day. We were in the club room when there was a bit of commotion out in the hall. We couldn't tell who was talking but I had a feeling it was the Computer Research Society. And whoever that was talking to him was more than likely headed this way.

Not surprisingly, there was knock on the door. What was surprising was who was there.

"Can I help you?" a surprised Miss Asahina said.

"Hello, Earthlings. I am Ignignokt and this is Err."

"I'm Err."

I swear if I was the only person in the room that I would have attributed this to a bad dream courtesy of old computer graphics.

Ignignokt, the larger green…whatever…continued talking. "We are here to inquire about this available room for rent on this sheet of paper here."

Err, the smaller pink…thing…butted in and yelled out, "So give us the damn room!"

It was the most awkward silence I have ever experienced. I literally couldn't take my eyes off them. Miss Asahina sounded rather scared, rustling in her maid outfit. Koizumi was probably giving that stupid smile he always has. Nagato was probably…Nagato. And she may have been behind me but I could tell that Haruhi had a gigantic smile on her face.

"Yahooooo!" she exclaimed. "This is so awesome! I never thought you guys would actually come but you did! Come on in! Who are you guys? Where are you from?"

It's as if she was a little kid that just got handed the world's largest ice cream cone.

"As I said, I am Ignignokt and he is Err," the green thing said.

"That's what he said," the progressively annoying Err said.

"And we are Mooninites from the far side of the Moon."

"We're the Moon."

"And we come to partake in Earthly pleasures."

"Yeah, so give us some skanks and smokes!"

"And for that, we would need that room which is for rent."

"We need the room!"

"Well then," Haruhi said, "Let me show to your room."

She's just going to give them the Computer room?! This is ridiculous!

"Could I talk to you for a sec, Haruhi?"

Haruhi leaned over and stuck her face right in front of me. Man that creeps me out, especially when Koizumi does it.

"You're just giving them the room? They haven't even done anything."

"We can do plenty," Ignignokt said, overhearing our conversation.

"Watch this!" Err added.

The two started spinning. None of us could believe what we were seeing. Haruhi had seen enough.

"You two are awesome," she said. "Let's go see your new room!"

And away they went.

At least she could have asked for references.

I turned to Koizumi, who wasn't quite sure what had just happened.

"Mooninites?" I asked.

Koizumi shrugged his shoulders and made his move. That bastard took my knight.

"Nagato?"

Nagato looked at me and said, "I am unfamiliar with that species." She then went back to reading her book.

I looked at Miss Asahina, who was still shaking in the corner.

"I wasn't told anything about them," she said shyly.

I looked at the board and couldn't find a good move to make. The noise from the Computer Research Society was making me nervous. "Is anyone worried about this?"

"You're just stalling," Koizumi replied.

"I'm serious." I was also stalling but I didn't need to mention that. "These are aliens. Haruhi has now seen aliens. Do you think she's going to…?"

"Nothing will happen from this." Nagato shut her book and look at me. "These aliens are so vastly different from anything that is in this room that it would be impossible for her to identify either of the three of us as an alien, time travel, slider, or esper. In fact, it may hide our true identities even further."

That was quite a bit to take in. At least it didn't have all the technical jargon I'm use to from her.

"Yuki's right," Koizumi said. "This is a perfect cover for us. Odd shaped beings pretending to be aliens will be a perfect distraction for Miss Suzumiya."

Well, as long as those…things…don't give me a headache, I'm fine with them.


	2. Chapter 2

_Part 2_

It wasn't even two minutes later that I immediately regretted thinking that I could live with those idiots. Haruhi came right back in with a laptop in hand.

"What's that?"

"It's the security deposit on the room," she said. "These guys gave us a new computer."

The Computer Club President came running in, obviously upset. "But that's my computer. And that's our room!"

"Your computer became her computer by way of our actions," Ignignokt argued.

"Yeah! Actions!" Err said.

"And because of these actions to which I have just talked about, your room became our room."

"Yeah! So scram!"

After putting the computer down, Haruhi grabbed Miss Asahina and dragged her to the door.

"Mikuru," she said, "Why don't you help our new tenants get accustomed to the room."

She then tossed Miss Asahina out of the room – watched as she tumbled onto the Computer Club President – and shut the door. From our side, you could hear the President scream and run away. Poor guy. He never has a chance when Haruhi hatches a crazy plan.

"What was that about?"

"Those guys wanted company," Haruhi explained in her insane little way. "So I figured Mikuru would work just fine."

"First off, I don't think they wanted someone like Miss Asahina. Second, what is the point of giving the Computer Club's room away? Haven't you tortured them enough this year?"

"Hey! Quit yelling at me like that or it's three years hard labor!"

As if this already isn't laborious enough. I was tired and…

"Is that smoke?" I opened the door quickly and found Miss Asahina coughing while they were all holding cigarettes.

"Every time you cough, your lungs are really saying 'Thank you,'" Ignignokt said.

"That's enough!" I quickly put out Miss Asahina cigarette, pulled her back in the room and shut the door on those freaks.

"You suck, dude!" Err yelled through the door.

* * *

It wasn't even a full day later when the Mooninites were at it again. It was lunch and, instead of listening to that stupid Tanaguchi, I decided to go to the brigade room. There's only so much I can take of him.

Anyways, I was close to the brigade room when I saw Ignignokt try to hang something on the outside of the door. He turned to me and said, "There's nothing more enjoyable on the moon than cleaning up after a messy person."

In the distance, I could hear the Computer Club President yell, "MY COMPUTERS!"

"We're not here," Ignignokt said quickly. "We went out for lunch."

"Hold it, you two."

They slammed the door in my face. However, with the door being unlocked, I just simply opened it back up and walked in.

"You are a bad landlord," Ignignokt said as I entered.

"You're a bad person," the annoying Err added.

"And on the moon, bad people get spanked with moon rocks."

"We drop your pants and spank you!"

These guys are suddenly making Haruhi talking about aliens and what not sound normal.

The Computer Research Society President came running in the room. "Do you realize how much those computers were worth? You can't just throw them out!"

"We do not care for the prices pathetic losers have to pay for things," Ignignokt replied.

"Buying stuff is for losers!" Err added.

"And your machinery was worthless."

"Outdated!"

"It was making us feel slow."

The President had enough. "I want you two out of my room right now! I will take this to the Student Council if necessary."

Ignignokt suddenly pulled out a gun shaped thing. "I am done dealing with you." He then fired his weapon and a slow moving light bullet came flying at the Computer Club President.

"This laser will destroy," Ignignokt said. "You cannot fathom how much it will destroy."

"You are so dead, Mister," Err added.

"No one has ever survived a shot from the laser."

The laser continued to move slowly toward the President.

"Just give it some time," Ignignokt said.

"It'll be worth it!" Err added.

The President ducked and watched the laser fire sail right over him. He then laughed as he turned to those nuisances.

"You call me pathetic?" he said with a chuckle. "That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. That was about as slow as my first computer back when I was one. Now, you two get out…

I saw it out of the corner of my eye. The laser apparently bounced off a far window and hit the President. He gave out a cry and suddenly disappeared.

"Man, that's bitchin," Err said.

I needed to find Nagato. These guys were vaporizing people if they couldn't get their way. If this kept up, well, it would be really bad.


	3. Chapter 3

_Part 3_

It was after school when I finally was able to get to Nagato. She was in the corner as usual but she was standing. She had the same face she usually has but I could tell something wasn't right to her.

"Nagato?"

"Something does not feel right," she said in her normal monotone voice. "I cannot sense the Computer Research Society President anywhere on campus. It was as if he was erased from this world."

I told her what had happened with those aliens next door. I explained how the President was upset over his computers being tossed in the garbage and the fight that ensued. I said that they must be stopped and came to her for help.

"I see," she said calmly, as if she knew exactly what I was talking about. "I shall need some time to prepare."

She sat down for a few minutes mumbling something under her breath. Probably some magic spell to destroy them like she did Asakura (shivers). After a couple of minutes she stood up.

"Let's go."

* * *

We knocked on the door, although we could have easily opened the door ourselves. The door was still unlocked from earlier. The Mooninites were decorating the room.

"Err, please be careful with that picture of my mother," Ignignokt said.

"Man, she's sweet looking," Err said.

"Err, that is disgusting. She is my mother"

Nagato stood in the middle of the room and said, "You two must leave this world now."

Ignignokt looked at Nagato and said, "Look Err, it's that girl that sits in the corner."

"The quiet one, huh?" Err said.

"What makes you think you can threaten us, Quiet One?"

"You've got no skills."

Suddenly the picture that Err had put up shattered and disintegrated.

"Wow!" Err exclaimed.

"That was quite loud," Ignignokt said.

"Your mom's picture is gone."

"You destroyed a piece of me."

"Not bad."

"It was not very impressive."

"I warn you again," Nagato said. "Leave this place. You have no right to be here."

"If it is a fight you are looking, then it is a fight you shall get," Ignignokt threatened. "Mooninites unite."

"Lock in," Err commanded.

The two then connected to form a larger…thing. They then pulled out four lasers, one for each hand.

"No one can escape the Quad Laser," Ignignokt said.

"Enough talking! Let's shoot her!"

They then fired one giant, slow moving bullet directed at Nagato. She then started to mumble something quickly.

"The bullet is enormous. You cannot defeat us," Ignignokt said confidently.

"Jumping…is…useless," Err added.

Just as Err finished, Nagato thrust her hand toward those creeps. The bullet was destroyed and the Mooninites went flying out of the window. They apparently called for their ship and flew away. As we watched them fly away, a strange thought came to mind.

Are they giving me the finger?

* * *

After school the next day, I went to the brigade room. As I walked toward the door I noticed a Computer Club member bringing in a computer. It seems that they heard the room was theirs again.

I walked into the Brigade room and saw Haruhi pacing around.

"What happened to those guys? They were so cool," she said. "Ugh. It doesn't seem right for them to just pick up and leave after I gave them that room."

I knew I couldn't tell her what really happened without exposing the truth about Nagato – and making Haruhi suspect the rest of us to be aliens and whatever. So, I just told her the truth.

"I heard it was a ruse all done by the Student Council."

"What are you, an idiot?" Haruhi said.

"All I'm saying is that I heard from a friend that the Student Council President wanted to play a trick on you for putting up that flier earlier this week. And what a ruse it was. It even had me shaking."

"That's ridiculous."

"I'm serious. They had some special hologram equipment that they used to make those things look so life like."

"But I touched one of them."

Okay, that one would be a bit difficult to explain. But I didn't need to. Haruhi gave up on the argument.

"Oh well," she said. "At least we got another computer out of this."

"You're not honestly going to keep it."

"If the Student Council President didn't want me to have it, then he shouldn't have had his hologram hand it to me."

In a bizarre way, she had a point, if my story was true, which it wasn't. But she didn't need to know that.

* * *

The S.O.S. Brigade was assembled in the room again. Haruhi was glowing with her acquisition of another computer. Miss Asahina was still feeling a bit woozy from the events of yesterday.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," she said as sweetly as possible.

"Relax, Mikuru," Haruhi said. "That stuff doesn't damage you unless you continually smoke."

Haruhi turned away and looked out the window. I turned to Asahina-san, who didn't feel too comforted by Haruhi and said, "For once, she's right."

There was a sudden knock on the door. Koizumi was close by so he opened the door. It was the Computer Research Society.

"Have you guys seen our President?" one of them asked.

A disturbing picture of him getting spanked with moon rocks went through my head.

Oh, how I hope this is all a bad dream. If someone's there, please wake me up now. I want my life to be normal again.


End file.
